Kindergarten

Summer seems to be fading too quickly. I can feel fall approaching. And I'm not ready.

Fall this year holds a new milestone. Olivia starts kindergarten. In just 25 days, she will no longer be under my roof and in my care for the majority of her day. She is ready. Olivia will often tell me she is going to miss me. But I know she is ready for the social and academic parts that school will bring.

Part of me is really excited about this next chapter of our lives. As a second child, Rylan hasn't had one-on-one or individual time with me. It has always been the three of us. I am excited to spend alone time with him. But I know I will miss listening to Olivia boss him around. I just won't miss their fighting.

Olivia never did preschool or pre-kindergarten. She has been home with me since she was born. I've never hired a babysitter. The only people to have ever cared for my kids have been family. Or people I'm close enough to consider my family. Olivia also still takes a nap every day! Kindergarten is a full day, 5 days a week.

While I realize kindergarten is going to be a big adjustment to our schedules, I also worry about the emotional adjustments. I worry and wonder if I have done enough to prepare Olivia for what her peers or teachers may ask her. Will a child innocently ask about her dad? What will her response be? Will she become all the more aware that her family dynamic is different? Does she have the tools and vocabulary to communicate her situation? Will she want to talk about it or will she keep it to herself?

There have been many milestones to navigate since losing Matt. But I feel as though sending our daughter to kindergarten is a milestone that I know will be difficult. I love having my kids around. It is hard and tiring but they are my world. Sending Olivia off to school, allowing her care to be in someone else's hands, and not having Matt beside me through this journey is overwhelming.

Time goes too quickly. These precious babies are growing too fast. Each phase has its challenges that I can't wait to see behind me. But each phase helps me grow to love them even more.