Some reasons to feel hopeful...

Today I feel slightly more at peace and slightly more hopeful...

Last Wednesday I went to see my doctor. My hormone levels weren't dropping fast enough so I was asked to go see him. I prepared myself for what I knew he would say...I would need another D&C and he would want me to see a sub-specialist. I had several questions for him: How could I have gotten pregnant in less than 7 weeks from my last miscarriage? Weren't the odds against me? Couldn't this just be a random thing and not happen again? Do I REALLY need to see someone else??

All answers lead to a specalist. Because of the fact that I have now had two miscarriages, regardless how close together they were, there is too much risk that it could happen again. My doctor has no answers as to WHY I have had two miscarriages and believes a specialist will be able to easily figure it out. I left my appointment feeling more hopeful. The specialist will work with Matt and me until I am 12 weeks pregnant and then I will go back to my regular OBGYN. I am was relieved to hear this because he and I have grown a strong bond together and I wanted him to deliver our baby. I feel by seeing a specialist we have only positives to look forward to. I feel like we won't be risking another miscarriage with his help. Our first appointment is on November 29th. I am actually looking forward to it! Never thought I would say that! The only part that is scary for me is the fact that "infertility specialists" aren't covered by insurance. So we are praying that the tests and the treatment are simple and not TOO expensive. We do know we can GET pregnant so that is in our favor.

I had my second D&C last Thursday. I thank each of you who was praying for me through it. I was worried about the emotions it would bring up. As the nurses put me on the surgical table I said "deja vu" to them. Most of them recognized me from being there only 8 weeks prior. I was surprised at how much stronger I was this time. I think a BIG reason it was emotionally easier was because I hadn't carried the baby for 10 weeks like I had the other one. I wasn't as attached to the fact that we were pregnant. Probably because I found out I was pregnant and began miscarrying all in the same day.

I got a call from my nurse yesterday with my hormone levels. They are currently at 380 which the nurse says is still "significantly high." They want to see the levels below 5. I repeat the blood work next Monday. If they haven't dropped, there is a chance I will have to repeat the D&C. My doctor said that in the 25 years he has been doing this, he has never had to repeat it. So, hopefully by next week my levels have dropped to where they should be. The nurse said the big concern would be if my levels began to rise again.

I am still full of sadness and heartache at the loss of our two babies. But today I definitely feel more hopeful for our future. A couple of weeks ago I wasn't able to say that. I believe the power of prayer has lifted my spirits and I can't begin to thank everyone who has been praying. There were times when it was hard to pray. Hard to believe that God was going to work this out for us. But today, I do believe He is working on it. And I do believe we will have babies in our future!