Counting down the days...my due date is 21 days away. And yet that doesn't really mean much. Planning for a baby's arrival is really a strange thing for me. Just because they say "January 15th is your due date," that doesn't mean she is coming January 15th. She could come today or a week after her due date. That's a very strange concept to grasp for someone who likes having everything planned and in order. I often try and guess where I will be and what I will be doing when "it's time." Will my water break? Will I be at home with Matt? Will I be out running errands? Only God knows.
I have truly loved being pregnant. Each and every minute. Even the painful, uncomfortable, and hormonal minutes. But I think I am finally at the point of my pregnancy where a lot of women get. Ready to be done. Most of my reasoning is because I just cannot wait to see what Olivia looks like. I can't wait to hug her, kiss her, change a million stinky diapers, the list goes on and on.
I feel like this time of year there is so much anticipation around Christmas. And I can't wait to get beyond it just so I can meet my baby girl. I feel like I am missing the true meaning and spirit of Christmas this year because I am looking past it.
I have come to realize that being pregnant isn't easy. My pregnancy has been really smooth. And whenever people ask me how it is going or how I have been feeling, I can honestly say "great!" But there are times when you wonder if you will ever feel normal again. I wonder what it will be like to put shoes and socks on without my face turning bright red. I wonder what it will be like to wear pants that don't have elastic at the top. I wonder what it will be like to go up a flight of stairs without having to stop from being out of breath! And yet, I would do it all again (and plan to!)
Oh the joys of pregnancy. The miracle of it all. God sure crafted it well.
I am as ready as I can be. The nursery is together and organized. So well organized that my family laugh because I am sure it won't stay that way. I have Olivia's diaper bag packed and in my car. My suitcase is on the floor in our room so that when I go into labor, I can hopefully finish packing it. Every time I see that suitcase, I get more and more excited.
It's hard to believe that in 3 weeks (give or take), Matt and I will be parents. Our lives will never be the same. Do you know how many times I've heard that? And yet, it is so true. Last night we drove around looking at Christmas lights. I realized, moments like that will never just be moments with the two of us. I envisioned what next year will look like. Olivia almost one, tucked in her carseat, and Matt and I pointing out all the pretty lights.
I truly can't wait for my life to change forever because of Olivia. I can't believe Matt and I are so close to meeting our daughter. I look back a year ago and how my heart was so full of sadness after just losing two precious babies. And how now my heart is so full of love and gratitude.
Olivia, you can come whenever you want. And your mommy and daddy, family, and friends look forward to your arrival with so much anticipation!
