When Matt Guides Me

It brings my heart joy when I see Matt guiding me. I strongly believe his presence is part of my life. I have seen it time and time again since losing him. Sometimes it comes when I am looking for it. And other times it catches me off guard.

I haven't worn my wedding ring since January 2017. I remember the internal struggle I made with it. Wondering when I would know it was the right time to put it away. When New Year's Eve rolled around, I made the personal decision to start 2017 with new goals, new perspective, and without wearing my ring. It has been in my closet ever since.

Since taking it off, I have wondered what to do with it. Do I keep it as is in hopes to pass it down to Olivia? Do I wear it on my right hand? Do I take it apart and make something new out of it? I have gone back and forth with so many different options but none felt right. Recently, my mom and I were at our friend's work in a jewelry store. My mom was having some sizing done and Betty asked about my ring. It isn't the first time it has been talked about. She gave me some ideas on what I can do with it and then she said "why not put the diamond in a necklace? At least then it will be closer to your heart."

I slept on this idea for a few nights. I looked at ideas online for what I would want. I finally came to terms with changing my ring into a necklace. The morning I was taking it to Betty, I realized it was the 10 year anniversary of when Matt proposed. I couldn't believe it had been 10 years. I remember the day so vividly. I was so caught off guard. I was so surprised. I was so happy. I have studied my ring countless times since Matt gave it to me. I have caught myself staring at it over and over again. Each time I looked at it, I would be in awe of the stone and how stunning it is. And I would feel so blessed that Matt picked me as his wife. I can't help but feel like Matt was guiding me that day. Somehow telling me that now is the time to change my ring into something different and wear it in a new way.

I got a picture of it from Betty yesterday and immediately got tears in my eyes. It turned out beautifully. I haven't decided what I will do with my setting or the diamonds that remain. But I love that my stone will be around my neck and near my heart. I can't wait to have it. I can't wait to see it in person.

Matt, thank you for the gift of timing. Thank you for showing me and pushing me to do things that I never thought I would be able to do.

And Betty, I am so glad you were part of making this change with me.

Maui-June 4, 2009