Happy 1st Birthday, Olivia Grace

How is it possible!?! My sweet Olivia is one.

Everyone says that time goes too quickly. I tried by best to slow it down over the last year but it didn't work. I can't imagine my life without her.

This past year has been the most rewarding and fulfilling year I have ever experienced. My life feels more complete than it ever has. And it is all because of Olivia.

Leading up to her birthday was extremely emotional. I am embarrassed to say that I have cried almost every time someone has asked me how Olivia is. I cried at the store when I bought her birthday card. But looking ahead at all she will experience and learn makes me really excited. I have been on a roller coaster with my emotions because I don't want her to grow up yet I look forward to it.

I know I am not the first mom to feel this way. Seeing your kids grow is hard but also so rewarding. When I think back to my first days with her I miss it so much. And then she crawls into my lap, says "Dada" when I am trying to coax her to say "Mama," and she leans her head on me as if to give me a kiss, and I can't help but tear up because it is so beautiful. She has a love inside her that no one taught her. A love that she was born with. And it is amazing to see her show that affection. Even if it's something as silly as "kissing" her books. It's so sweet.

When I think about all that took place during this last year, I have a hard time believing it has only been a year! A baby changes so much in just 12 months. And not only did Olivia change, but I did as well. I have learned that I am much stronger than I have ever given myself credit for. I have learned that there was much more time during the day before she was born. I have learned I don't need as much sleep as I thought or that the house doesn't need to be as clean as I want.

On Friday, Olivia's actual birthday, we spent the day at St. Clare Hospital with my mom and dad. My dad had his intrathecal pump and catheter replaced (for his chronic back pain). We went to keep my dad's mind occupied and to keep my mom company while he had surgery. Although a hospital isn't the most exciting place to spend a 1st birthday, there is no way we would have missed it.

"I'm 1!"
Waiting at the hospital

Keeping Papa warm before surgery.

On Saturday, we celebrated Olivia's birthday with a Winter ONEderland! It was a great time spending time with friends and family and seeing how much Olivia is loved.

Olivia's Winter Onederland

Papa Larry with the kids

Olivia really didn't care about her cake. She was more concerned with all the people watching her.

One spoiled little girl!

Olivia wearing some of her new clothes.

Crazy Uncle Andy and Noelle. 

Papa Mark surprised us and came to her party! One day after surgery! 

Grandma Val and Papa Larry. 

Aunt Katie, "Muffin" Kash, and Uncle Josh

I nursed Olivia for the last time last night. It is a very bittersweet feeling. I know deep down it was time to be done. But it is a chapter that I am sad to see close. I told Matt that he needed to decide when it was time to be done nursing because it was a decision that I just couldn't make. 

What an emotional couple of weeks though! It's no wonder I haven't been sleeping well. Knowing my dad was having surgery, that Olivia was turning one, and that I would be done nursing soon has kept my mind very busy. I am hopeful for my dad's pain level. I think this surgery is going to lead to some much needed relief. And now that Olivia's birthday is over and the anticipation has settled, I can think and see a little more clearly. Thankfully Matt is extremely patient with me and lets me tear up when I think about all that is changing with Olivia. 

Happy 1st Birthday, Olivia. You are the light of my world. I am so blessed to be your mommy.